Stephanie Insanity

I’m in Vegas. Shennanigans will ensue.

I’m taking a break from thinking about him, and us, and me, and love, and lust, and everything else he threw in my face last week. It’s too much for my heart right now. Especially when I am leaning towards making a decision that will most likely make me really really sad…

SO…. Wipe it clean, erase the slate, all that’s on my mind is VEGAS BABY!!!!

xxoo!

He loves me. He loves me! He loves me?? I am, if nothing else, utterly confused. But so happy. So SO happy.

I have loved him what seems like my whole life. We’ve been through so much. Practically an entire novel’s worth of ups and downs, turning points and turning back. He is my best friend. I never stopped wanting him.

How do you turn your back on the best thing that has ever happened to you? How do you move forward with the person who has caused you more pain than you thought your heart could handle?

I’ve never felt anything like what I feel for him. But I’ve never been cut so deeply either. When he left the last time, I thought I was going to die right there on my living room floor. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see straight. I felt like I was going to crawl right out of my skin because it hurt that badly. And I swore I would never do it again.

But… here we are. Three and a half years later. So much has changed. So much is the same. The love is still there. So.much.love. It hurts my heart to even think about how much I love him. It makes me want to scream and cry and dance for joy when I think about what he just told me. I want to believe he is ready to be what I need him to be. I want to believe him when he says he wants to be that man. That he can love me the way I deserve to be loved. Fully and unconditionally and without hiding feelings and emotions.

So many things still stand in the way. Two different lives. Two places in life. Two states. So many obligations. But what is any of that, in the face of love? Is it anything at all in comparison? My heart says no. My head says… be careful.