You can SAY that I’m important all you want…
But you show me that I’m not with every passing day.
I’m getting the message.
1. running outside (even in the deathly heat and humidity)
4. getting an Italian lemonade from Mario’s
5. watching paint dry
7. chewing glass
8. running into a sharp spike
9. did I say drinking…?
Yep, it’s that bad people.
Also, thanks to DK for ideas 4, 6 and 7…
Some days it feels like I am drowning in distress. Motivation is non-existent. I would give almost anything to feel his hand in mine. I don’t know why, or how, I let myself get to this point again. Why I even cracked open the door and let the hope fill up my heart. I should know better by now.
But, I did let it in. I let him in. And now I am the one who has to deal with the consequences. Right now, I don’t really feel anything at all through all the black, but I know it’s in there somewhere. The old me. The sunny, happy, carefree girl. The one who loves school and learning and coffee and late night talks with her girls. Right now all I want is to be alone. To sleep and only wake when it is all over. I feel like a weight is pressing squarely over my heart and… it makes it hard to even breathe.
I don’t know how to do this. I know that I can only go forward. It seems impossible. I can only paste a smile on and fake it. Fake it until I make it, I guess. Does that ever really work? I am counting on that answer being yes. I know I won’t ever truly move on until every last part of me really wants to let him go. And right now, I don’t. I am hanging on to every tiny thread of feeling that he has for me. Hoping that he will eventually make what he wants and what he is capable of the same thing. It shouldn’t be this hard.
How can you get over something you don’t want to be over?
I feel this tonight. I miss him. I miss him…
image via soundsofmywords