Too much, not enough, drowning, suffocating, screaming, flailing.
Everything is not what I thought it would be. Nothing is what everything feels like. I don’t want to be so far into the dark. This is where I go when the loneliness overwhelms. It’s been so long. So very long. Sometimes, I think “well, you’ve had your chance.” And if that is true… well that’s the most depressing thought of all.
I’m not a quitter though. I’m going to fight this. I’m going to look for my joy, my happy, my breath of air. I’ve been down this rabbit hole for too long. And I’m sick of it.